The thorny habit is a tough one to break—but scientists say that managing it is possible.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/06/can-you-cure-lateness/485108/
In a Wait But Why analysis of people who are habitually late—whether it’s to work, social engagements, or major appointments—Tim Urban concludes that some members of this group, including himself, could be deemed Chronically Late Insane People (CLIP). As classified by Urban, these individuals are unfailingly late to pretty much everything, and quite simply, irrational in how they view time. While others have posited that such behavior is driven by optimism (including the unshakeable belief that a 25-minute commute will only take 10 minutes, if everything goes right), Urban calls it for what it is: insanity. And a common one at that. In a 2006 survey, 15 to 20 percent of people identified as “consistently late.”
As a self-identified CLIP, I’m all too familiar with the phenomenon he describes: the warped hope that Google Maps could somehow be mistaken about travel time, the loose usage of the term “en route,” and a genuine feeling of self-loathing about this behavior. Yet, despite knowing that it’s wrong and feeling bad about it, I and many others struggle to improve.
But, there may be hope for late folks, after all. According to several psychologists and experts, it is possible to change. While there may not be a “cure” for this behavior—there is a way to manage it.
* * *
Why is chronic lateness such a trap? Many people who are regularly late have dealt with this issue for years, if not the majority of their adult lives. Part of the reason thwarting this behavior is so tough is because it has the same kind of intractable stickiness as other recurring habits, like eating junk food or overspending. These negative behaviors can become part of a person’s ingrained routine, and may even form mental pathways in the brain that get strengthened over and over again, every time an individual ventures down this route.
As a result, punctuality can’t be achieved overnight, but it can be steadily cultivated over time. Linda Sapadin, a psychologist who specializes in time management and the author of How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age, frequently sees this trend in her patients.
“You literally have to train your mind to approach things differently than its current default way of thinking.”“Some people comply right away and most people don’t,” she notes, “For most people, habits take time to break. It’s not only about breaking this pattern, it’s also about building another one.” This process will take “weeks and months, not days,” says Guy Winch, a psychologist and the author of Emotional First Aid. In order to overcome lateness, “You literally have to train your mind to approach things differently than its current default way of thinking—so you have to be ready to make that investment.”
Starre Vartan, a small business owner and freelance writer based in California, was 20-40 minutes late to everything—from dates with her partner to editing meetings, a habit she’d had on and off ever since her catering job in high school. “I hated it about myself,” she says, “Because I felt like it disrespected other people’s time.” Yet even after she acknowledged the issue, Vartan continued to feel caught in a perpetual cycle of tardiness. She would often become so engrossed in a task, she’d forget when it was time to leave. “That is the feeling I had for a long time,” she says. Once she made a decisive plan, it took 2-3 months before she confidently felt like she could manage the habit.
“I felt like a huge jerk, I felt irresponsible, I felt like I hadn’t mastered a part of being an adult,” she says. Sarah Elizabeth Richards, a health and science journalist who started paying more attention to her tendency for lateness, after writing an article about it for Elle, experienced similar emotions. “I was really ashamed about it,” she says, “How come you can’t do something that everyone else can do?”
Richards recalls specific instances that drew her attention to the problem like a hike she missed because she arrived after it had already begun. “I remember thinking you wrecked the day for yourself,” she says, “I would get to events in the middle and always feel like I was missing out on things.”
In a Wait But Why analysis of people who are habitually late—whether it’s to work, social engagements, or major appointments—Tim Urban concludes that some members of this group, including himself, could be deemed Chronically Late Insane People (CLIP). As classified by Urban, these individuals are unfailingly late to pretty much everything, and quite simply, irrational in how they view time. While others have posited that such behavior is driven by optimism (including the unshakeable belief that a 25-minute commute will only take 10 minutes, if everything goes right), Urban calls it for what it is: insanity. And a common one at that. In a 2006 survey, 15 to 20 percent of people identified as “consistently late.”
As a self-identified CLIP, I’m all too familiar with the phenomenon he describes: the warped hope that Google Maps could somehow be mistaken about travel time, the loose usage of the term “en route,” and a genuine feeling of self-loathing about this behavior. Yet, despite knowing that it’s wrong and feeling bad about it, I and many others struggle to improve.
But, there may be hope for late folks, after all. According to several psychologists and experts, it is possible to change. While there may not be a “cure” for this behavior—there is a way to manage it.
* * *
Why is chronic lateness such a trap? Many people who are regularly late have dealt with this issue for years, if not the majority of their adult lives. Part of the reason thwarting this behavior is so tough is because it has the same kind of intractable stickiness as other recurring habits, like eating junk food or overspending. These negative behaviors can become part of a person’s ingrained routine, and may even form mental pathways in the brain that get strengthened over and over again, every time an individual ventures down this route.
As a result, punctuality can’t be achieved overnight, but it can be steadily cultivated over time. Linda Sapadin, a psychologist who specializes in time management and the author of How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age, frequently sees this trend in her patients.
“You literally have to train your mind to approach things differently than its current default way of thinking.”“Some people comply right away and most people don’t,” she notes, “For most people, habits take time to break. It’s not only about breaking this pattern, it’s also about building another one.” This process will take “weeks and months, not days,” says Guy Winch, a psychologist and the author of Emotional First Aid. In order to overcome lateness, “You literally have to train your mind to approach things differently than its current default way of thinking—so you have to be ready to make that investment.”
Starre Vartan, a small business owner and freelance writer based in California, was 20-40 minutes late to everything—from dates with her partner to editing meetings, a habit she’d had on and off ever since her catering job in high school. “I hated it about myself,” she says, “Because I felt like it disrespected other people’s time.” Yet even after she acknowledged the issue, Vartan continued to feel caught in a perpetual cycle of tardiness. She would often become so engrossed in a task, she’d forget when it was time to leave. “That is the feeling I had for a long time,” she says. Once she made a decisive plan, it took 2-3 months before she confidently felt like she could manage the habit.
“I felt like a huge jerk, I felt irresponsible, I felt like I hadn’t mastered a part of being an adult,” she says. Sarah Elizabeth Richards, a health and science journalist who started paying more attention to her tendency for lateness, after writing an article about it for Elle, experienced similar emotions. “I was really ashamed about it,” she says, “How come you can’t do something that everyone else can do?”
Richards recalls specific instances that drew her attention to the problem like a hike she missed because she arrived after it had already begun. “I remember thinking you wrecked the day for yourself,” she says, “I would get to events in the middle and always feel like I was missing out on things.”